Dad
by miSSmeliSS1324124
Summary: "I feel like I didn't love him enough. I didn't care enough. I should have done more. I should have been there. I didn't even tell him that I loved him before he died."


Logan slowly moved down the stairs trying not to trip as he carried a large box. When he reached the bottom he placed it by the door and let out a long sigh.

"Is that the last box Logan?" Logan's mother walked inside running her fingers through Logan's hair as she passed by him. Mrs. Mitchell walked into the kitchen with Logan two steps behind her.

"Yea…"

"What's the matter Logie bear?" Logan let out a sigh and jumped onto the counter.

"Do we really have to move? I love this house and we won't live next to Kendall anymore." Mrs. Mitchell let out a sigh and waited to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator before turning to Logan.

"I know it's a big change Logan but we won't be far. We're only moving a few blocks away and now you're closer to the school." Logan let out another sigh.

"It's not fair." Mrs. Mitchell patted Logan's knee and gave him a sympathetic smile."

"I know baby but you know we can't afford to live here anymore." Logan dropped his gaze to the floor.

"I know." He jumped off the counter and left the kitchen before anything else could be said. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. In a way he should have expected this but it's not easy for him to deal with so much change in such a short amount of time. It had always been bad but to Logan it felt like things were getting worse faster.

Every kid has had to go through "the talk" with their parents. That talk can be different depending on the situation. Whether its sex, drugs, alcohol, or driving every kid has to talk about it at some point in their life. These forms of talks happen every day and kids hate them but expect them. Not many kids expect the kind of talk Logan got a few months back. Not many kids have to be sat down because they need to understand that their father is going to die.

Logan picked up the box from the floor and jumped down the steps leading to the path. He walked over to the moving truck and awkwardly waited for his father to turn around.

"Dad…" Mr. Mitchell turned quickly and smiled at Logan. He took the box from Logan's hand and held it as he looked for the perfect place to put it. His movements were awkward and he seemed lost. It was the kind of wondering that used to make Logan cast his head down in embarrassment but now that he was older he finally understood why. He finally understood why his dad did things that other people would think were ridiculous. He finally understood why his dad did things that embarrassed him. It's impossible to think straight when your brain is being eaten away by a tumor.

"Let me." Logan took the box from his dad and placed it smoothly on top of another large box. His dad smiled and ruffled Logan's hair before going back inside. Logan couldn't help but watch him as he walked away. From a distance he looked just like any other person; any other person who didn't care much about hygiene anyway. His face was scruff and his hair was thin and balding. His shirt was wrinkled and torn and his pants were stained. Normal tasks were becoming too much for him and Mrs. Mitchell really couldn't do much to help. The Mitchell's didn't have the kind of money to constantly buy new clothes. No matter what Mrs. Mitchell did Mr. Mitchell's shirts always ended up dirty and torn. He was losing his ability to think rationally so doing stuff like using your clothes to clean up that spilled soda didn't seem like a big deal.

Even when Mr. Mitchell did these things no one got mad at him for it. Logan did have to admit there were times when his illness caused him to do really embarrassing things that killed Logan but he couldn't complain. His dad was trying his best even if he couldn't be much of a dad anyway.

Logan often wondered what his dad was like before. His mom told him once that his father was a great man. He moved to the United States from Lebanon (1) when he was twelve and after traveling and going to school he went to college to become a lawyer. Mr. Mitchell played football in college and he was one of the best. Logan often found old articles about Mr. Mitchell buried in the back of his parents closet.

Mr. Mitchell was also the strongest and most kind person that you would ever meet. Logan's favorite story about his dad was how Mr. Mitchell met his best friend and Logan's godfather. According to Mrs. Mitchell Todd, Logan's godfather was a nerd much like Logan. One day when he was stuffed in a locker by some unruly students Mr. Mitchell let him out and they became the best of friends.

Logan wished he could meet that person. He wished he could meet the award winning lawyer and the amazing football player. He wished he could meet the man that would save a nerd from bullies and the man who beat up anyone who ever messed with his family. Logan couldn't meet him though; because that Mr. Mitchell went away as soon as he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

And here's the real kicker. He was diagnosed the same year Logan was born. Logan never even had a chance. By the time he was old enough to even form memories about his father he was already too far gone.

Logan went back inside and found his parents standing in the kitchen. Mr. Mitchell was leaning with his hand against the counter as he rubbed his temple with his free hand. Mrs. Mitchell handed him a glass of water and one of his pills but it's not like it would do much. It was only a waiting game now.

"Logan why don't you check your room to make sure you haven't left anything behind. We're leaving soon." Logan nodded and started heading up the stairs. When he remembered something he knelt down and peered into the kitchen.

"I can still go to Carlos' house to sleep over later right."

"Yes, as soon as we get to the apartment." Logan nodded and ran up the stairs. The wood creaked under his feet as he made it to the last step. He past the old bathroom glancing inside before he walked into his room. It was small compared to most bedrooms but Logan didn't care. It was the room he grew up in and he cherished it. From the minute he was brought home to his 14th year of life this room has been his and now he was staring at its blankness.

His posters were gone, his trophies were gone, and all his stuff was gone. It was so empty now and so hollow. It saddened Logan when he thought of all the things that have happened in his room. He can remember when his mom tucked him in a night or scared away the monsters. He can remember when he woke up one Easter morning to find the action figure he'd been drooling over lying right next to his pillow.

That was Logan's favorite memory because that memory was about his dad. His dad got him that toy. It was the only fatherly thing Logan could remember him doing. Everything else was just sickness and pain.

When Logan was satisfied nothing was left behind he left the room and ran down the stairs. His mom and dad were already in the moving van waiting for him. He ran down the steps in jumped into the seat next to his dad before his mom began to drive away. Logan couldn't help but watch as his house got smaller and smaller until he couldn't see it anymore.

Things were changing fast and Logan hated it.

* * *

It took a few hours for Logan and his parents to move everything into their apartment. The size was such a drastic change from their three floor house and Logan couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand how close everything was and he couldn't stand how ugly and disgusting the place was. He also couldn't stand how creepy the landlord was.

When all the boxes were finally in the house Logan walked to Carlos' house leaving his mom and dad to do most of the unpacking. It wasn't a far walk only about 15 minutes. It was ten minutes longer then it usually took Logan but that was to be expected when he no longer lived on the same street as his three best friends.

When he reached the Garcia residents James, Kendall, and Carlos ran outside to greet him. Logan couldn't help but absorb all of their excitement and all of his troubles were forgotten for the moment.

"Thank god you're here Logie! You're gone less than a day and I miss you already!" Logan chuckled at Carlos as he walked inside and jumped onto the couch.

"I moved across town not across the country Carlos."

"That's still too far! We should totally live together." Carlos sat up and held his hands up. "Imagine it, there would be a swirly slide in the living room and we would have the best games and all sorts of cool tech stuff!" James, Kendall, and Logan scoffed.

"Yea right."

"Keep dreaming."

"Don't get your hopes up Carlos." Carlos stuck his tongue out as his three friends but his annoyance was instantly forgotten when the hockey game came on.

"Oh yes! The Minnesota Wilds are totally going to win this!" The four boys kept quiet as they watched the game. They were sitting on the edge of their seats wide eyed from their excitement. When the Minnesota Wilds made the first point they each jumped up and cheered.

As the game progressed the boys became more excited as the Minnesota wilds came closer to victory. When the game finally ended with a Minnesota victory they each high fived each other still feeling the excitement.

"That was so awesome!" Kendall threw his fist up in the air in victory. He always felt like he was a part of the team whenever he watched a game.

When the excitement calmed down Carlos picked up the remote and changed the channel to ABC Family. Harry Potter was playing so he placed the remote back on the table satisfied with the channel.

"Next time we watch the game we should do it at your place Logan." Logan furrowed his eyebrows at Carlos.

"Why?"

"Because we haven't watched hockey there yet. We have to watch hockey there at least once." Logan rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly.

"I don't know. It's probably going to take a while to set everything up and I doubt my mom would want us around." Carlos and James nodded and turned back to the TV. They didn't think twice about what Logan said but Kendall did. He honestly had only been to Logan's house three or four times and he wasn't sure why.

Logan always said that his mom just didn't want them to bother her. She ran her own business from their house so she was always home. At first Kendall believed him but after a while Kendall started to believe there was something else. He could see it in Logan's eyes.

That started a couple months back and as time went on he could see it more. There was sadness, confusion, and fear in Logan's eyes and Kendall didn't know why it was there. He often found himself running scenarios in his head and some of them were pretty bad.

Kendall never met Logan's father so the scenarios always revolved around him. He thought for a while that he was abusive but Logan's skin was flawless. Whenever they went swimming or if he glanced at Logan when they were changing after hockey he couldn't find a mark on the kid.

Kendall also considered that his parents neglected Logan. He quickly disproved that though. Logan and Mrs. Mitchell had a great relationship. Logan often said he was able to tell his mom everything and it was true. When Logan was supper stressed he went to his mom. When he was confused about school or girls Logan asked his mom. Because Mrs. Mitchell worked at home she always had time for Logan. As far as Kendall was concerned she was a perfect mother.

Kendall also ruled out Logan's dad. Logan only ever had good things to say about his dad even if he never seemed to leave the Mitchell residence. Kendall found that strange but he never asked Logan about it. He thought that maybe he worked out of the house as well.

Those were really the only things Kendall could ever think of. He never really could think of a solution so he unwilling dropped the subject. He had to trust that Logan would come to him, Carlos, and James if he ever had a problem. Kendall couldn't pick at straws because it wasn't going to get him anywhere.

Logan was probably just stressed so Kendall didn't worry about it to much. Everything was fine.

* * *

The first thing Kendall noticed when he walked into homeroom was Logan wasn't there. He glanced at James and Carlos and raised an eyebrow at them but they both shrugged their shoulders. They were in the dark just as much as Kendall was.

A month had passed since Logan moved to his new apartment and everything seemed to be fine. Logan was acting like he always did and Kendall wasn't as afraid that something was going on anymore.

The problem arose a few days ago. First Logan cancelled hanging out with them after school saying that his mom needed him at home but Kendall, James, and Carlos didn't have a problem with that. Next Logan skipped out on hockey practice and even the couch didn't know why Logan wasn't there. The three boys wanted to warn Logan that he was going to be in big trouble with the coach for cutting practice but he never answered their texts.

Now Logan was absent from school and Kendall was convinced something happened. As soon as he sat down in his seat he turned and leaned on Carlos and James' table/desk.

"After school we are going to go to Logan's to see what's up, agreed?" James and Carlos glanced at each other before turning back to Kendall.

"Agreed."

"Ok." Kendall turned around in his chair as soon as the bell rang. He just knew this was going to be one of the longest days of his life. As time ticked slowly by and the science teacher rambled on and on Kendall was getting restless. The clock only seemed to move five minutes every time he looked at it and when the period finally ended Kendall couldn't take it anymore. He needed to figure this out now.

As soon as Kendall stepped into the hallway he turned making James and Carlos stop in their tracks.

"I say we screw the rest of the day and go to Logan's now." James raised an eyebrow at Kendall.

"You mean you want to skip?" Kendall rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Like we haven't done it before." James and Carlos both smirked and nodded. They went straight to their lockers and put their books away before heading out the front door. They needed to get outside before the late bell rang because the hall monitors started patrolling the outside of the school after that.

When the three boys were safely away from the school they relaxed but they didn't slow down their pace. Carlos had been trying to text Logan but he still wasn't answering his text messages.

"He lives on Grove street right." James pointed to the street sign when they got close enough to read it. They never really realized it before but now that the words were actually said they never saw where Logan lived. If Logan hadn't mention his address once they wouldn't even have been able to find his house.

Once they were standing outside they finally understood why Logan never wanted them over. It was a two family apartment and the outside was honestly disgusting. There was a large crack going through the middle of the driveway allowing weeds and grass to poke through. The pathetic excuse for a lawn was nothing more than crab grass and dirt patches. Whoever owned the place tried to pretty it up by placing bushes along the edges of the lawn but it didn't do anything.

The house itself was a total mess. The bottom half was brick and the top half was white. Rain marks and cracks were all over the place and one of the windows itself was cracked. The three knew the Mitchell's moved to an apartment because of money issues but they never realized how bad it actually was.

"What floor is he on?" Carlos turned to James and Kendall with a questioning look. James thought for a moment before he walked forward.

"The second. I remember him complaining about caring the groceries up the stairs." James walked up the porch to ring the doorbell but stopped when he realized it was missing. He let out a sigh and knocked on the door.

James never was a very patient person so when a few seconds passed and there was no sign of anyone coming he reached for the handle and opened the door. The door creaked loudly as it slowly opened. There was a white door on the right and a small wooden staircase directly in front of them. They entered the building one by one with Kendall taking the lead. When he reached the top of the stairs Kendall knocked on the door hard enough for it to bounce against the frame. After a few seconds Kendall could hear movement on the other side before the door slowly opened.

Logan glanced from the other side before he opened it fully. He thought it was going to be the landlord asking for the check again but to his surprise he was face to face with Kendall.

"W-what are you doing here?" Logan stepped to the side and allowed his three friends to walk into the apartment. When he closed the door he walked past them and walked into a medium sized living room.

Logan turned to his friends and watched them awkwardly as they walked into the living room and looked around. The interior was a lot better looking than outside but it still wasn't that great. The wooden floors were scratched and Kendall now had a better look at the cracked window. This place was definitely not where they expected Logan to live.

"What's going on Logan?" Logan looked away from Kendall and looked down at the ground. He was silent for a long time before he let out a shaky sigh.

"My dad's in the hospital…" Kendall stepped forward and placed his hands on Logan's shoulders.

"What happened?"

"My dad has a brain tumor. The other day while we were at school… he had a seizer." Logan walked over to the couch and sat down. "He's been in a coma ever since." Kendall sat down on Logan's left while James sat down on his right. Carlos moved in front of the group and sat down on the glass table in front of them. They were silent for a long while not sure exactly what to say.

James, Carlos, and Kendall didn't even know Logan's dad was sick. How were they supposed to react to this?

"Why didn't you tell us." Carlos bent his head down so he could get a better look at Logan's face.

"I… I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to say anything. If I said it then it would be real." Logan placed his head in his hands and let out a sigh. "I don't want this to be real." Kendall wrapped an arm around Logan and pulled him into a sideways hug. He wasn't sure what he could say to Logan. There honestly wasn't anything he could say. He didn't know how Logan felt and he didn't know how to make things better.

All he could do was be there for Logan because in the end that was the most important. The four boys looked up when they heard a car pull into the driveway. They could see the lights from the car hit the ceiling indicating Mrs. Mitchell was home.

"She shouldn't be back from the hospital yet." Logan jumped up and ran outside. James and Carlos went to run after him but Kendall stopped them. He could feel the uneasiness at the bottom of his gut and he had a feeling he knew what was going on. The three boys walked over to the window and watched Logan as he jumped down the stairs. Even from here they could see the tears rolling down Mrs. Mitchell's face and they knew.

Mrs. Mitchell pulled Logan wrapped her arms around Logan and held onto him tightly. She didn't have to say anything because Logan understood. His dad was gone.

* * *

Logan felt so out of place as he sat in the back of the room with James, Carlos, and Kendall. The room was cold and his suit was uncomfortable. He avoided the front of the room as much as he could. Logan had already been up there and he wasn't planning on going up there again. He didn't want to see his dad lying there so… lifeless.

Kendall wrapped an arm around Logan and held him close. He was honestly a little worried about him. Kendall expected him to cry or get angry or blame himself but he wasn't. He didn't react barely seemed to react at all.

Logan always cried when he was upset, always. Logan hated that he did that but he couldn't help it. He was more on the sensitive side so Kendall expected tears but Logan did nothing.

Throughout the whole service Logan remained quiet. He didn't really talk to anyone and when they finally got back to Logan's place he went straight to his room. Before Kendall, James, and Carlos could follow him Mrs. Mitchell stopped them.

"Would you boys like to spend the night? I think Logan could really use some friends." The three boys nodded before they walked to Logan's room. Kendall knocked twice before opening the door.

"Logie?" Logan was kneeling in front of his closet rummaging through boxes. At first he was moving slowly but after he searched one of the boxes his movements became more frantic. Kendall stepped forward so he was right behind Logan. "What are you looking for?"

"My action figure." Kendall looked back at James and Carlos before kneeling next to Logan.

"What action figure?"

"The one my dad gave me. I can't find it!" Logan moved a large box out of the way and practically launched himself into the closet. When he crawled back out he let out a relieved sigh as he held the toy close to his chest.

Logan pulled the action figure away from himself and traced over it with his fingers. A smile came to his face when he remembered how excited he had been when he got it. His dad had made him so happy and now he was gone.

It truly hit Logan then what that meant. No more fathers' day. No more bear hugs when he brought home a good grade. His dad wasn't going to be there when he graduated. He wasn't going to be there when Logan got married or when he had kids. His dad wasn't in his life anymore and it killed him.

"I can't believe he's gone." Kendall grabbed Logan by his arm and pulled him into a tight hug. He held onto Logan tightly as he sobbed uncontrollably. James and Carlos knelt down on the ground seconds later and wrapped their arms around their two friends. Kendall could feel his shoulder dampening from Logan's tears and they could feel how much he was shaking.

It was like every emotion Logan ever felt was suddenly coming out and he couldn't handle it. His nose was stuffed and his throat was clogging up. He was finding it harder to breath the more distressed he became.

Kendall pulled away and cupped Logan's face. James and Carlos were rubbing his back trying to calm Logan down.

"Logie calm down its gunna be ok." Logan clutched the action figure close to his chest and his other hand was in a tight fist on his thigh.

"I ca… I can't." Logan was wheezing. He looked like a complete mess but he didn't care. "I s-should have b-been there. I-I didn't do enough. Now he's gone and I feel so g-guilty." Carlos shifted so he was sitting closer to Logan.

"Why would you feel guilty Logan? You haven't done anything." Logan wiped his nose with the back of his hand then dropped it down on his lap. He took a few stuttering breaths trying to calm himself.

"I feel like I-I didn't love him enough. I didn't care enough. I should have done more. I should have been there. I didn't even tell him that I loved him before he died."

"Hey." Kendall patted Logan's need to get his attention. "I know you Logan. You only ever said good things about your dad so I know you cared enough. And your dad knows you loved him." When Logan remained silent Kendall wasn't sure if he had gotten through to him. He looked at James and Carlos but they didn't know what to say. They decided to wait until Logan was calm to question him. After a few minutes he was mostly silent except for a stutter in his breath every so often.

"Logie?" Logan let out a sigh.

"I don't know but just…" Logan looked up pleadingly at his three friends. "Stay with me." Kendall, James, and Carlos situated themselves around Logan. Three of the boys leaned their backs against the wall with Kendall on Logan's right and James on Logan's left. Carlos sat in front of Logan allowing them to make a triangle formation. Carlos gripped Logan's hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"We'll always be here Logan."

**A/N: Done. This didn't come out like I hoped honestly but I think it's still pretty good. I actually rewrote this twice because I was trying to find the right way to say what was happening.**

**Most of this is from personal experience. The apartment I described is actually a description of where I live. I hate living there but we had to move because my dad was sick. **

**He had a brain tumor and the way I presented Mr. Mitchell was how my dad was. I was younger then Logan when he died so it's kind of hard to remember him. Also, Logan's feelings are like mine. I always feel guilty. I'm not always sure that I did enough.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I have more stuff on the way.**

**(1): Logan is Lebanese =]**


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